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I'm Way Too Insecure For This

Photo by Jack Sharp on Unsplash
Photo by Jack Sharp on Unsplash

Insecurity, it seems has been my greatest strength. Growing up, I dealt with a plethora of empty promises from my mom. Now that’s ok. She was young, she’s also human and in my eyes she’s very much forgiven.

With that being said, some of the things we endured together did form deep insecurities in me that surfaced during my early adult years. Insecurities will keep you from doing a lot of important things in your life if you let them.

Because insecurities would say to me, “You can’t get on stage and play music”, I’d challenge that thought and get on stage and play music. In fact I’d take the position of lead singer for the band I played with for several years. Insecurity would also tell me that there was no way I’d be able to do well with going back to college and I definitely wouldn’t be able to get a degree so intense and difficult as a biology degree.

Insecurity told me I couldn’t but I did

Insecurity made me stand back and look at something and wonder, mostly doubt, “hmmm could I do that?” Because insecurity makes me question my ability, it also forces me to exercise my abilities.

An insecure person should not be able to stand onstage and deliver a keynote presentation that potentially changes and encourages lives. An insecure person should not be able to sit with someone and speak inspiration into them, helping them take greater life leaps than they ever thought possible. An insecure person should not be able to stand in front of a class full of nervous college students and teach them one of their most feared subjects… (Whose blood pressure rises when I say the word… FRACTIONS…)

But I do that stuff.

I do all the stuff insecurities told me I couldn’t do

By insecurity bringing what I couldn’t do into focus, I just did it anyway. It seems that insecurity is really a lie from some strange force that doesn’t want me to realize the gifts that I have within myself. And with that being the case, clearly, feeling insecure about a particular thing is really a beacon to the thing I’m supposed to do.

So yes, my greatest strength has been insecurity. Haha! Oh the paradoxes of life!


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