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I Suck

Photo by Yuriy Yosipiv on Unsplash
Photo by Yuriy Yosipiv on Unsplash

Just recognizing where you suck and why you suck isn’t enough. What are the next steps to fix things and change? For so long I knew I sucked at relationships AND I knew why. That whole insecurity thing that would push me to never trust someone or allow myself to become vulnerable. Ok. Cool. There’s the problem and the root. Constantly questioning and never trusting led me to mess up some things that could have been good. My childhood had some empty promises from my mom that implanted insecurity within me. What’s the step(s) to fix it?

Forgive the past and disallow the past from determining my mindset today (Very simply put, get over it. Do you think someone is the same person they were 25+ years ago? Probably not. But if they are, who cares?! Move on! Stop rehashing stuff that doesn’t matter. Harsh right? I know. But it’s true. You didn’t get the warmth you think you deserved as a kid so now you’re sabotaging everything in your life. Knock it off. If you were missing that warmth as a kid, get a blanket. A literal blanket. Wrap yourself in it, give yourself a big hug and say it’s all good. Then go attack the day and get some stuff done. Stop crying so much.) That’s process one.

Process two is to allow myself to care about someone enough to become vulnerable. Now, obviously don’t trust your heart with the first person, or heroin addict, that comes along, but someone you connect with and feel they are sincere from where they come from. Sometimes you’re duped or sometimes people change for the worse Sometimes they relapse on heroin. The only way to avoid being hurt is to never get involved. There is obviously another side to this. You’ll never experience true love. Even if you were duped and betrayed, you still experienced love on a significant level, which is something to be eternally grateful for.

Another thing that happens, is we get comfortable with things going terrible for us. I got so used to losing I started to only expect to lose. What a terrible way to be, waiting every day for the guillotine. Struggle and what some might call, “misfortune”, are some of the most fortunate things that can happen to you. Failing to recognize this is a failure that you can do without. Welcome the rest of failures with open arms!

I really am so encouraged when I hear the beginnings of people that have now come into massive success. I heard some wise words that said, “Do not despise small beginnings.” It’s so easy for us to fall into looking around and thinking, “Well, I guess this is all there is…” And rolling over and dying to a life of nothing. A life of submission to mediocrity.

Be brave! Do something stupid that’s gonna piss off your family! How many times do you have to hear that you only live once before you make a move and mess something up? Like mess it up real bad. Screw up your credit rating. Get your car repossessed. Go live in India. Quit your stupid full time job. Tell the barista you’re in love with her. Stop being so scared to play things so safe. It’s nauseating! I love you.


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