Not Until I'm Done
Lately, I’ve become very aware of the fact that life doesn’t last forever, well this life at least. Aware of the fact that I could just fall over and out of life at any moment. It happens to people of all ages all of the time.
I don’t know why that knowledge has sat so deep within me and to be honest, it started to freak me out and scare me. I think some of it is because this year marks ten years since I went back to school to try something new. It was ten years ago that I tried something new. It’s been twenty years since I went to my first concert, which was Korn (Thanks for taking me, mom. I know that must have been painful for you!)
I’ve just been kind of noticing how quick time can pass without us really noticing it. “Where did twenty years go?” Why is that a question so many people, obviously including myself, ask so much? If we focus on the years that are vanishing and have vanished, another twenty will do the same without our noticing it!
As I was walking to the gym last night, it hit me. And it hit me with so much peace and such a full knowledge of why I’ve become so aware of the inevitable transition from this life into what’s next. These are the words that hit me as I was walking last night:
Even though this knowledge began to terrify me, as I write these words I see the purpose of it. I realize so completely that at any moment I can leave this life. At absolutely any moment. Because of this, I know that I am going to do everything that I can to soak up every breath of every moment. I am going to write as much as I have within me. I am going to live as fully and deeply as possible. I am going to love as fully and deeply as possible. It isn’t fear that this knowledge has brought but simply a grand and perfect invitation to live my life. Fully. Completely. Until I’m done.