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Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

They say that the darkest hour is just before dawn. I’ve been in Los Angeles for just over two months working toward my dream of becoming a professional speaker. While doing that, I have applied to countless positions and I’ve had almost ten interviews between USC and UCLA. Along with my dream of being a speaker, my other passion is working with students in a higher education setting. Now, I am very much running out of money and resources to keep this dream pursuit going. The condo that I was so blessed with having been allowed to stay in until it goes to market has gone to market and prospective buyers are in and out daily.

A reminder that I am running out of time here.

My bank account is depleted. My savings account is depleted. My credit cards are maxed. I am maxed. The thought of returning to Pittsburgh is in my mind, as well as going to Atlanta to see what opportunity can come of that. Pittsburgh is really my last option, but things have gotten so fuzzy that I can’t even see my hands in front of my face.

I am in this sort of limbo and I have no idea what, if anything, is coming up. I have an interview tomorrow with a prestigious college, but I’ve already had eight interviews with prestigious colleges to no avail. I’m not losing heart on my dream, but I need to pay bills. And if something doesn’t happen soon, I’ll have to leave. I’ll have to leave the one city that I have always dreamed of living in.

Even if that is the case and I have to leave, at least I know that I did it. If only for a short time. I have not one regret in having made the decision or taking the leap that I did. Right now, however, is quite a difficult time. I know that I am supposed to be speaker. This is the truest thing within me. This, writing, and coaching people. I am meant to do these things. I must do these things. I refuse to live unfulfilled and if I am doing anything but these things I will not find fulfillment. I have faith, in this extremely shaken moment, that God will pull through for me.

I will come out of this. I will find my success. I will. I believe I already am.


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