Life should not be an irritation. Life is an experience. Food, sights, smells, sounds. Some people wake up everyday like, “Again?” Our days are not meant to be nuisance, a long irritable journey of doing things I have to do. My day is all about what I get to do. If I just look around and take in all that there is to take in, I’ll see that it’s a lot. I’ll see that the planet is full of good experiences. Life is constantly happening all around us. Every millimeter around me is alive. Every millimeter about me is alive. The smallest cells at the tips of my toes to the pounding heart inside my chest. Things I’m not even naturally aware of.
The good experience is living itself.
Now, yesterday I did not feel like this. In fact, I felt like I was in a dark room void of hope and filled with pressure. That dark room is called Anxiety & Depression. Imagine being a motivational speaker and inspirational writer while having depression. Does that just mean I’m full of shit or does it give me the utmost credibility to talk about the things I talk about?
I’ve written before that those that seem the brightest are often the ones that have seen the most darkness. I believe the only way one can truly talk about a hopeful future is if they’ve been exposed to and trampled by a hopeless present.
It’s hard to get yourself to write when you’re overcome with those hopeless feelings but incidentally, it happens to be one of the greatest medicines because it begins to relieve that pressure you’re feeling within yourself. That’s at least how it works for me. Another thing that I’ve talked about before was the fact that days will come that you’re overcome with those depressive emotions but rather than fight them, which only causes greater anxiety, simply accept that today is just not a great day. And get yourself around someone that you know you can talk openly to. That’s exactly what I did last night with my friend Dan. We just talked about how terrible life was at that moment and it felt great.
Here’s a look into how I was feeling yesterday from what I had written, “As hopeful for my future as I practice being, right now I don’t feel even an ounce of it. Right now I feel rage. A growing anger that has only a single question fueling it: Why haven’t I made it yet? Why am I still in this fucking struggle to keep my head above water and out of gray clouds? Life has taken on a form of irritation rather than joy. Maybe it’s the thoughts I’m practicing all day or maybe I’m just walking through a dull and meaningless feeling of nothingness. Whichever the case may be, Light seems distant. Light seems all but close to me.”
Not really what you might expect the ever-smiling and extremely huggable Mark Craven to experience, write, or share. But there is the reality. And here is the reality; we are all human. We all experience indescribable joy and indescribable pain. The only constant is that things do not remain constant. We are walking through an ever-changing landscape of joy and sorrow. It is the experience of being human that brings with it great pains, great joys, great sorrows, and great moments of euphoric peace.
There is practice and discipline related to remaining positive. Just as this exists so does the same practice and discipline to remain negative. As most of you know, it’s easier to practice negative because it is a natural talent and ability that all who call themselves human have. The practice of positive takes work that goes against the natural.
“You’re always smiling.” That’s a unique trait because our natural state is “resting fill-in-blank face.”
Ultimately life is a good experience. A very good experience. We just need a little help and practice to experience it that way.
Depression is real. Admitting this is a real experience for you is a sign of strength.
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