This is not something I am particularly good at. I’m very weak here actually. I definitely would not teach a class on being a better truster.
Trust is one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried doing. What goes on in my head does not match reality at all. And I believe all of it. Every time.
I was explaining this to someone I’m really practicing this trust thing with. And it’s not practice because of who she is, but because of my crazy insecure brain.
At dinner, I grabbed two forks and put them next to each other. I said the fork on the left represents thoughts that I know ARE NOT true. And the fork on the right represents thoughts that ARE true.
I went on to explain that when the hurricane of unreasonability occurs in my brain, it’s like the fork on the left gently glides over top of the fork on the right and they mesh perfectly. When I’m looking directly at them, I can’t see them as apart. I can’t distinguish the true thoughts from the false thoughts.
It really sucks.
And makes trusting so damn difficult when the thought of who someone REALLY is becomes covered up with a stupid thought of who they would never be.
I can only say this. It’s worth it to try. Because if you and I don’t try, the alternative is pretty terrible. It’s pretty lonely. It’s pretty lame. And it’s pretty much the only alternative when you’re maintaining your self-preservation to such a high degree that it destroys overall good.
Protect yourself, but I think we’ve all learned that building walls is never a good move.
And thinking back to the fork demonstration—I said that as I’m looking straight at them, I can only see the wrong thoughts covering the true thoughts. Which means that the person across from me is looking at the true thoughts and they’re blind to the false thoughts that I’ve conjured. So maybe if I change my perspective and look at the forks from the other person’s end of the table, I might see things differently.