When depression grabs hold of me, it really does a hell of a number. That’s likely true for anyone that’s experienced depression. I’ve always explained depression as the feeling of having just watched your puppy being run over in front of you. But you never had a puppy to begin with yet that same broken feeling is there without reason. That’s probably a good explanation for depression as well; negative emotional experience without the experience.
The depression that gripped me recently, really put to question what the purpose of anything is. Hence the title of the blog. What’s the point of the point? What’s the point of anything? Without purpose I’m lifeless. There is no joy in the morning, no joy through the day, no joy at night. Only the thought of where is the purpose in all of this movement around me? Why get out of bed? Why go to work? Why eat? Why… Why… Why… Why does ANYTHING exist?
Have I painted a similar picture of what your episodes of depression resemble? Only those that have experienced the dark and bleak experience of depression can explain it in such a way. Also, only those that have experienced it can receive and understand an explanation like the one just given. If you can’t relate, please believe me when I say you have just found something to be very thankful for.
At the end of the day it’s purpose that drives you. It’s purpose that drives me.
I went to see the movie, “I Can Only Imagine,” about a week ago. The movie is about the story behind the song of the same title. It’s a story about Bart Millard, the writer of the song and lead singer of MercyMe, and his experience growing up in an extremely abusive relationship with his dad. He wrote the song after he saw his dad transform from the monster that he always knew growing up into a man that started a relationship with God and became someone that Bart wanted to become. From monster to mentor. The song was written after his dad’s death and reached double platinum status. This is the only christian song to ever achieve such a feat.
So I’ve probably scared some people off because I used the words “Christian” and “God.” If not, this next part will probably do the trick!
People get kind of freaked out when they hear someone say something like, “God spoke to me.” And honestly, yes there are some weirdos out there that do everything in their relationship with God except make it inviting for other people to be a part of. They just kind of freak people out. But there is truth to God speaking to us. It’s not some booming audible crash of thunder exploding from the sky, which would be AWESOME! And probably terrifying… But it’s a movement of peace within our heart. It’s the same experience when a writer writes, a singer sings, or a teacher teaches. There is a movement of truth and peace that courses from our hearts to our minds.
In wrestling with my questions of purpose, sitting in the movie theatre, really before anything particularly powerful happened in the film, I experienced this movement of truth, “I delight in seeing dreams come true. I created all of this for My joy and yours.”
Will I say that those are the words God spoke to me? Of course! All the words I’ve ever written came from God. My gifts are from God and He wants me to enjoy them because that brings Him joy. What a great purpose to live; to do the things I’ve been created to do that naturally bring me unmatched joy. Even if you’re not a God person, that’s a pretty good way to live your life. Doing the things you love with all of your heart that bring incredible fullness to your heart. Because it’s only through doing the things your passionate about and gifted with that you can achieve a full heart. The truest path to becoming a Heart Hero!
If depression is something that you’re actively struggling with, know that you’re not an island. You’re not weird or different or unique. Reach out and get the help that’s available. This is not a battle you have to face alone. Therapy and medicine have a purpose. Just like you.
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