WHERE IS MY BELIEF!?!?!
Ever started something challenging and as you went through the struggles that came with it, asked yourself where your belief went? Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we actually believe in the thing we’re going after. Sometimes we truly have to sit down and ask if we ever believed in this thing in the first place.
When I was going after my biology degree, there were countless times that I wanted to throw in the towel, but underlying that surface tension was a true belief that this was something that I needed to do. It was hard and there were so many life circumstances that smashed me in the face on my way to it’s end. There were things like broken-up relationships with girlfriends, failing classes, finding out my dad wasn’t my real dad (you might have to read the book for that one)… so many things, but I persisted because of belief. If only even a breath of belief.
Eventually Dr. Mellon handed me a diploma that read, “Bachelor of Science”. I persisted, even through the piss, and I can’t say how much that degree has actually helped me so far. The greatest achievement through undergraduate work was that I learned how to learn. That may be one of the greatest things every person should work on. Teach yourself how to learn. Practice studying.
So why did I make it through the biology degree but leave the masters degree? I pushed through the piss before, couldn’t I do it again? Of course I could. But I didn’t believe in the work I was doing. I felt a greater pull in my heart and in that direction is where my belief lied. And again, there was piss to push through (the unofficial title of this blog is definitely “push through the piss”) but because of belief, again if even no louder than a whisper’s whisper of belief, I moved forward into a direction I’m proud of.
Even now, as I walk toward some big things that, at times, I have either massive or minimal belief in, I know that that belief is there. And on the days that I think I want to quit, I just ask a simple question that I have to answer unequivocally. Without influence of the current shit-storm I’m standing in. Do I believe in this? If the honest answer is, yes, then I start dancing in the rain 🙂